HURRICANE on LONG ISLAND? JUST A DAY in THE LIFE of...

Your favorite new-to-Long-Island, New York resident (a small field from which to choose) has, in three weeks, spent a day in all-time record rainfall (8.00 inches), survived a 5.9 earthquake,the largest quake here in 67 years and now prepares for a category 1 or 2 hurricane. Irene is sashaying her way here from the Caribbean. The hurricane is substantial, category 4, winds in excess of 115 mph off the Southeast Coast, but will diminish in intensity by the time it reaches Long Island. Hurricanes are very difficult to track but we will not escape this storm. Long Island is 60 miles long, and is oriented mostly East-West so the southern shore is going to get battered and as of the day of this post, two days before the hurricane is due to make her appearance, residents in four states, or the wiser of them, are making preparations or evacuating. Many areas are under evacuation orders and flooding in New Jersey may be a “100 year event.” The storm will hit head on from the South late Saturday night.

Here is what will NOT happen to your favorite New York resident:

FLOODING: Long Island is a sand bar. The ground is porous and while there are areas that flood, generally the island does not. We live in a house that is elevated and not near the coast so water will not cause us a problem either through heavy rainfall or tidal surges. That is a relief since I hate drowning. The coast of the Island will be hammered by water (a high tide coincides with the brunt of the hurricane) but not the area in which we live.

WIND: First, you will be happy to note I will not blow away. Even if the winds are 100 mph and I seek a Darwin Award by standing out in the breeze, I am slender and can turn sideways, thus minimizing my resistance, especially if I hold on to something substantial, say Lady Gaga’s short shorts. Second, there are no trees around the house. If trees come down, they will not hit the house and if they did, we rent a basement apartment in a three-story house so should not be crushed by an over-sized Maple leaf.

POWER OUTAGE: while this is a serious possibility, the temps are very mild (70’s) so there is no risk of hypothermia. The folks who own the house have a propane cook stove so we can cook up a storm (clever pun intended). Water is delivered by a central city system with backup power and little likelihood of surface water pollution so there will be no shortage. If the outage is prolonged we can certainly run out of hot water and I am NOT willing to sponge bath this fragile body with cold water…but there is plenty of Right Guard in the bathroom so I should offend no one. We have a kerosene lamp that puts out little more than a flame of candle brightness but that ought to keep us from bumping in to household objects as we wander around our 520 square foot apartment aimlessly. We may lose cable and telephone. Missing my re-runs of “Sanford and Son” will be the most difficult result of this experience. We will likely lose cable (home phone VOIP) and cell service so your favorite New York resident may not be able to check in until Monday or later when service is available. Unless I have seriously overstated our likelihood of survival you need not research my "last" will and testament.

Locals have started the panic stock-up…store shelves are emptying. I wonder about people who have not owned a flashlight and think now is the first time to own one. I wore shin guards this morning so idiots with grocery carts did not cripple me. We are good to go; plenty of alcohol and water; might run out of ice for the drinks if the power fails.

For yours truly this should be a yawner, a fun day listening to driving rain and picturing the houses floating out in to the Atlantic

All in all, just another day in the life of…

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